“I did not grow up to this love. That is why I lost both my daughter and my husband”

“I did not grow up to this love. That is why I lost both my daughter and my husband”
“I did not grow up to this love. That is why I lost both my daughter and my husband”

His only excuse is that she was very young. Her parents were also not without influence. They wanted a fancy only child of a different future. And she listened to them instead of following her heart.

She was only 19 when she met Waldek. He was four years older than her, he was already working then, he was a mechanic. He took her with his warmth, he was and still is just a good person. But the parents did not want to accept such a boy for their daughter.

– I always heard at home that a mechanic, what a future. That I should go to college, make a career, and what kind of party is this, a guy who does not even have a master’s degree – says Ewa. – And although I was in love to the ears, still heard remarks caused some doubts.

But so far they were dating. Ewa passed her high school diploma concerts and got her dream course. Parents were very proud of her. She made new friends, she herself began to notice that maybe Waldek did not exactly match her new friends?

– In retrospect, I can see how stupid I was. Waldek was not stupid, he read a lot, he is interested in history. But it seemed to me then that I was taking part in some fascinating conversations, that I was among the chosen ones – says Ewa. – Today I know that we had a little soda in our heads. Waldek did not find himself in my new environment, I think that for him we were simply conceited, immature people.

However, they were still together, because Ewa was also drawn to his family. Four siblings, a warm house, a mother who always smiled, praised her children. She treated Waldek’s girl like a princess, she was always happy to see her. And Ewa loved to come there for holidays or on Sundays.

– Bustle, fun, not like at home. The three of us always spent Christmas and the most important thing was not to pour borsch on the grandma’s tablecloth – sighs Ewa. – Nobody cared about such things at all.

She went on vacation after the first year with Waldek, against the complaints of her parents, because Ewa’s parents were not satisfied with this fact. To some extent they were right, Eve had barely started school when she realized that she was pregnant.

– I was terribly afraid to tell Waldek about it, even more to my parents. But Waldek was happy, he immediately offered me marriage, he went to my house and officially proposed – says Ewa. – Well, my parents were simply furious, although Waldek said that I would not stop my studies, that his mother would help and take care of the child.

Eve, however, did not see her future so rosy. Instead of going out with girlfriends, intoxicating student parties until dawn, she saw herself with diapers and a tearing baby.

– I could not be happy, I had the impression that my life had not started yet, and it was already over. I was not happy neither because of the wedding nor because of the child – says Ewa. – And although Waldek was wonderful, he cared for me and comforted me, I couldn’t appreciate what he was doing for me. And Waldek’s mother received the news about the wedding and the child with joy. She stated that she would retire early and that she would take care of the baby so that I could continue my studies.

However, Ewa did not know how to appreciate it. This kindness and full acceptance. This gesture was made by the mother-in-law who wanted her daughter-in-law not to lose her studies. Today she knows that it was largely influenced by the atmosphere in her family home. Mother walked around the apartment like a hailstorm, pursed lips, eyes cast furious glances. And Eve heard that she had finished miserably, that what a future with such a mechanic, if she could have a doctor or a lawyer for her husband. It could be a beautiful wedding, not a bride with her belly hidden under her dress. And Ewa was always afraid of her mother, she was afraid even more than the loss of Waldek’s love.

Waldek wanted to rent an apartment right after the wedding so that they could live together. Ewa, however, wanted to stay pregnant in her family home, he was to continue living with his mother. He urged Ewa to start a life together, but she was afraid of such a step. She figured she would feel safer this way for now.

– I was simply stupid, manipulated by my parents, actually mainly by my mother. She was ashamed of Waldek and his family, as if she were some countess herself. Well, my father was the director, my mother was the chief accountant in a large institution – says Ewa. – Waldek’s parents always worked physically. So, according to my mother, it was a misalliance.

It didn’t even matter that Waldek earned much more than Ewa’s parents. He was saving money for his own workshop. Ewa’s mother believed only in titles and diplomas. By her standards, only an education could bring happiness.

Ewa gave birth to a healthy daughter and Waldek was crazy with joy. He further urged her to live together, but Eve excused herself from the need to study.

– We were such a bizarre marriage. I lived with my parents, he lived with his mother. As soon as I recovered from the birth, I went back to college. Waldek would come in the morning, he took me to the university, he took the little one to his mother – says Ewa. – The mother-in-law kept her word and retired. She was actually raising my daughter.


It was very convenient for Ewa, she had a lot of classes, some in the evening. She started to leave her daughter with her mother-in-law for the night, then the little one actually lived there. Waldek was happy, he was returning from work, he could be with the child. He urged Ewa to move in with them, but she explained that she must have peace of mind to study. Ewa’s mother was delighted, seemingly the state from before all the confusion returned. The daughter was home alone, no diapers, no crying. Ewa was a great student, she rarely saw her child, most often on weekends. She was offered a job at the university. She was delighted.

– My mother was also in cloud nine, she said that I can make a real career, that my marriage does not exist, and my daughter is better off with her mother-in-law – says Ewa sadly. Unfortunately, it was true. I hardly knew my child.

After graduation, Waldek gave an ultimatum either they live together or a divorce. He did not hide that he wanted to take the child, because the little girl is not related to Ewa. Ewa’s mother decided it was a great opportunity. Ewa can be free and make a career.

– I don’t know what I was thinking then, but I saw my future mainly at the university. At that time, I had little in common with Waldek either. Besides, I was so vain back then, so proud to be a lecturer. I told him that we would part, that I just wanted to be in touch with my daughter without any problems – says Ewa. – He wasn’t against it.

They got divorced, the little one still lived with Waldek and his mother. Ewa tried to visit it often, but more and more her daughter treated her like a stranger. She did not want to go for walks with her, she cuddled up to her grandmother all the time. However, it was evident that she was a happy child. Ewa was absorbed in her research work, quickly earned her doctorate, and in a few years habilitation.

Waldek married a second time. He built a beautiful house, he has two children with his second wife, Ewa’s daughter treats them like natural siblings. He has little contact with his mother and does not like meeting together. In fact, it is Ewa who forcibly maintains the bond with her daughter, but today she is seeing despairingly as she lost her own child at her own request. And she’s getting more and more sorry. He sees that family there, full and happy. And she? She will be a professor soon. He comes back to an empty house and only has books.

– I am lonely, I have not got involved with anyone. All I have is my career. But I don’t have any close people around me – he says. “I know I was stupid, but it’s too late.”

Today Waldek owns a huge vehicle service station. He has a lot of connections in various environments. Maybe he has no titles, but he can arrange everything and Ewa knows that he is doing great.

– My mother could never dream of such money and sometimes I see that she seems to regret it too. Such a son-in-law is a treasure, and she wrote it off only because of her education. And she transferred this way of thinking to me – adds Ewa. “But it’s not really about money, it’s a matter of secondary importance.

Today, Ewa knows that she could have had everything. And your career and your baby and husband. And a nice family that would support her, because her mother-in-law will not say a bad word to this day, she is the same as always, smiling and sincere. She also never experienced any unpleasantness from Waldek. He always said that he loved her very much and it was a pity that it all did not work out like that.

– I am not matured to this love. I did not know what is important in life – says Ewa sadly today. – That’s why I lost both my daughter and my husband.

Magdalena Gorostiza

Names and some details have been changed.

Date Created: Today, 16:11

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The article is in Polish

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